Who Has Time For Sex?

Why is there a growing number of 30ish couples not having sex?

I’m seeing a growing number of couples in their 30’s that aren’t having sex.  Couples are faced with the need to have a dual income family.  Both individuals work all day giving to the world, they often have very little left to give themselves or their partners.  You may get home from work kiss your partner feebly.  You look forward to put the kids to bed, so you can watch some television and have a glass of wine–heaven!  Your partner touches you and gives you the indication that he or she is in the mood.  You turn away or adjust your body language to communicate you’re not interested.  Sound familiar?

Often couples come to my office and can’t remember the last date they went on a date, or spent time with the television off, laying in the arms of their partner.  I understand we have demands in our lives, which often out-weight our priorities.  Having sex with your partner is a form of enjoyment and release.  You get to spend time with your lover and escape into physical pleasure.

It’s important to make time for sex.  With growing demands of the world, it’s important to schedule sex.  I know you’re probably cringing thinking, “What about being spontaneous?”  Being spontaneous can happen sometimes, but in a world of high demands we have to schedule exercise, meals and…yes, sex.  Eating and exercise is just as important as making time to have sex with your partner, so why not schedule it?

I encourage you to schedule sex for a month (at least 1x/week) and see what happens?  Do you make time for it? Do you find there’s a difference between spontaneous sex and scheduled sex?  I’m curious what you discover.

Other reasons that cause couples to stop having sex are:

-Previous sexual abuse

-Demands of having children or recently birthing a child

-Making work a priority

-Poor communication

-Problems in the relationship

-Imbalance of safety versus passion in the relationship

-Pain, anxiety, emotions or depression

-Difficulty tolerating closeness (just to name a few)

Often couples feel shame about not having sex with their partner.  They will often deny the problem or feel fear of sharing these issues with friends.  Some couples feel like their the only ones having this problem.  I’m here to say you’re not alone.  It’s important to come out of the shadows and seek help from a professional.  We treat these issues at Recovery Help Now, Inc.  I hope you’ll give us a call and begin addressing this issue.

Elana Clark-Faler
  • elana
    Posted at 14:28h, 30 April Reply

    Do you have friends who are struggling with making time for sex? I’ve heard it all the time. Refer them to this post. Some people think they’re alone in this problem…not true.

  • Niles D. Willits-Spolin
    Posted at 09:31h, 12 May Reply

    Another aspect of “sex” as we call it that is so often undeveloped and foreign to many people is eroticism. Are couples even aware of eroticism? Author Esther Perel has written about this. American culture, she suggests, seems to be relatively less engaged in eroticism and correspondingly troubled by desire disorders. Not surprisingly, as a culture we find ourselves focused on, ignoring perhaps sometimes expecting too much from “sex”.

  • elana
    Posted at 18:03h, 18 May Reply

    I agree. Due to shame and lack of education about sex we have fallen short as a society. It’s never too late to learn about sex, our bodies and eroticism.

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