Many people come into Alanon with the notion that the problem in their life is the alcoholic and that they would be happy if the alcoholic would just change. Thus, Step 2, which states: “Came to believe that a power greater than ourselves could restore us to sanity” is hard for a newcomer to digest. She may think, “I don’t have an issue with sanity, the alcoholic does!” Many at their first meeting even state, “I came to Alanon to get some pointers on how to get my alcoholic sober.” Then you will hear the regulars at the meeting chime back, “Keep coming back.” This is because the regulars came to Alanon with the same beliefs. Then they kept coming back and learned of their own insanity in the alcoholic relationship. As they stayed longer and worked the steps, they gained a new freedom and serenity they never knew was possible.

If you are in a relationship where you think, “I would be fine if he would just change.” Let’s take a look at your sanity. Do you find yourself…

Caring more about somebody than you do yourself?

Feeling like you can’t get the other person off your mind even when you want to?

Letting the other person’s reactions to you dictate your self esteem?

Talking about the other person ad nauseum to other people?

Getting overly anxious when you don’t hear from the other person?

Trying to control the other person’s behavior?

Taking on the mood of the other person?

Spending hours analyzing the other person and how to fix them?

Hiding the other person’s drugs or alcohol?

Berating and shaming the other person for not “getting it together?”

Blaming yourself for their addictive behavior?

Feeling threatened if the other person does start to get better, because he may not need you iany more?

If you answered yes to any of these questions, you are struggling with your own sanity. Alanon and Step 2 could be of great use to you. I love the expression “If you are pointing the finger, pick up the mirror.” People get overly focused on others because they don’t want to look at their own lives. Alanon is there to help!