Some Step Three Stories…


This blog post was written by Recovery Help Now’s, Amy Margolis, Registered MSW.

A big fan of twelve step programs for many years, I would love to share a few Step Three Stories from my own life.

Regarding love, I was raised to “get married and have kids.” The message in my childhood home is you will never love your job, family comes first and a man will complete you. Thus, when I found myself single at age 23, I was running around Boston feeling like an old maid and “trying to find a husband.” I let this go and did the “Mary Tyler Moore” thing and moved to NYC on my own. By age 26, I found myself in a relationship with a great guy, who I knew in my gut I could not marry. He was a starving artist, who smoked pot every day. Need I say more? During that relationship I said, “God, I love this guy. I am going to trust you will show me when it’s time to leave and by the way here is a list of qualities I would love in a partner.” That was in October of 1994. I met my husband, who possessed every quality on my list in February of 1995.

Regarding career, for years I have been a voice over actor along with being a social worker/therapist/mom. With a career so fraught with competition and rejection, it is easy to get frustrated and want to give up. I remember in the in 1997 I was sick of feeling victimized by “the industry” and I contemplated quitting. Upon praying about it, I realized I did not want to give up something I loved doing. The auditions themselves provided me a creative outlet and brought me so much joy. I decided to stick with it, be grateful for the opportunities, do my best and let go of the results. I am telling you when I stay in that “surrendered Step 3 head,” I always book more jobs!

Regarding family, a couple of years ago my daughter was really down. Her best friend dumped her and ignored her at school. She was hanging out with “nerdy people” she didn’t really connect with. She seemed depressed at home, wasn’t eating much and was fantasizing constantly that we would move back East. I heard a great quote by Marianne Williamson, “A mother can only be as happy as her unhappiest child.” That was me. I was down, getting annoyed with my daughter for being down, and trying to “fix it.” When I prayed, I realized I needed to let her be. I decided to take a few inspired actions, like getting her into a preteen girls group at the Y, signing her up for Sunday School and calling her guidance counselor on the sly to set up a meeting with her and said ex bff. Then I let go and let her be exactly how she needed to be at home and just showed her love. I am not kidding, within a few weeks she had a whole new group of friends, self esteem and lightness.

Like most people, I was brought up to “know the answers, get it done, make it happen!” Yet, my life is so much more peaceful and works so much better when I turn to a power greater than myself, listen, take inspired actions and trust!

Elana Clark-Faler
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