29 Aug Moving Towards a Healthy Sex Life by Anna McClelland, LMFT

Enhancing your sex life while in recovery can take shape by redefining your expectations and changing your relationship to the meaning and expression of sex. This can be difficult for a recovering sex addict as they have been using sex as a way to play out dysfunctional relationship cycles, as a self-soothing strategy and to disconnect from reality. In the beginning, recovering sex addicts often ignore the topic of sex with their partners or have a hard time communicating and re-defining boundaries in the bedroom. When moving towards a healthy sex life with your partner, I encourage you to reflect on and use these domains as a guideline for cultivating healthy sex (Carnes, 1997):
Nurturance –the capacity to care for self and others
Sensuality – the use of the senses, emotions, spirit to connect sexually
Self-image – a positive view of self, including your sexual side
Self-definition –a clear sense of self and boundaries in sexual activities
Comfort –the ability to be comfortable with yourself and others
Passion – the ability to express and receive deep feelings of desire about the relationship and sexual experience
Knowledge – education on sexuality in general and your own preferences
Relationship – the capacity to have intimacy and friendship in one relationship
Partnership – the ability to be linked together but also have separate functions and identities
Non-genital sex – the ability to express affection without the use of the genitals
Spirituality – the ability to connect sexual desire to the greater purpose of one’s life