27 Jun Men, It’s Time To Step Up!

This blog post was written by Recovery Help Now’s Amy Margolis, Registered MSW.

“A successful intimate relationship starts with comprehending that your wife or girlfriend will feel alone in the relationship unless she can get more than a brief glimpse of what your emotional world looks and feels like from you.”  I love this quote that I found on the website HowToKeepHer.com.

I see this so much in my practice, women saying, “I want to connect more emotionally my husband, but he won’t open up.”  At the same time I run a men’s group and recently a man shared, “My wife says she wants to hear about my feelings and vulnerabilities, but does she really mean that?”

The answer is, “Yes, she does!”  Today, for most women it is hip to be in therapy, and evolve emotionally and spiritually, As a result they want to connect on a deeper level with their mates than, “How was work?” or “What color should we paint the house?”

At the same time, men are still being raised to be strong and silent.  They are taught to not cry in front of others, toughen up, compete and play to win.  Thus, they try to use these same rules for success in their relationship and are befuddled when they don’t work.

The solution… Men, it’s time to step up and take some emotional risks.  Quit just sharing what you think.  Go deeper and express how you feel.  If you don’t know, it’s never too late to start your journey toward self discovery.  Therapy is a great place to start.  Other possibilities could include: keeping a journal; practicing yoga; meditating; and/or joining a men’s or co-ed process group, where expressing feelings is encouraged.  All these suggestions will not only benefit you in your relationship with your significant other, but in your relationship with yourself, which is the most important relationship you will ever have!