I married a workaholic. I knew when we were dating Hank was a workaholic. We were young and living in New York City. I was a starving social worker and actor when I met him and was so impressed with his MBA from Columbia and job at one of the Big Five Consulting Firms. Sure, I was lonely. We would spend Sundays with Hank at his laptop and me reading. I told myself the loneliness was grief over my recent ex, who had all the time in the world to play with me (and smoke pot every day, but that is a different blog). Anyway, four months before Hank and I got married, we landed in therapy to discuss his workaholism and my loneliness. The therapist told us the situation was workable and blessed us in going through with the wedding. That was 14 years ago.

It has not always been easy. Sometimes it has been damn hard, especially since having kids. On top of that, my brain automatically wants to look at what’s wrong: where he is lacking and what I am not getting. What helps me is to completely shift my attitude and look at what is right: Hank’s many good qualities and the strengths in our marriage. Here is my fun little gratitude list for being married to Hank, the workaholic…

1. He is the best kind of holic (he is not boozing it up or gambling with all our dough)

2. He is busy, which forces me to get out and pursue my own dreams and interests.

3. He is a good provider, loyal and dependable.

4. I only have to compete with electronics and not another chic.

5. He cleans up well and I am proud to take him to parties.

6. When he is not working he channels his laser focus into my to-dos around the house.

7. I always know where he is.

8. He gets a lot of frequent flyer miles and hotel discounts.

9. I run the show at home and the kids love me more.(KIDDING)

10. I don’t have to cook for him every night.

I grew up with an addict so I was never going to be attracted to “Mr. Available.” And while living with a workaholic can be lonely, I have grown and learned so much in my marriage. If the definition of a soul mate is “someone who causes you to become the best version of yourself,” then Hank is that for me.