How To Handle Breaking Up With Someone That You Love

This blog post was written by Recovery Help Now’s, Cindy Nigro, MFTi.

Breaking up with someone you still love but who doesn’t make you happy is perhaps the hardest kind of breakup. There are many reasons why you might want to end a relationship with someone you love. Perhaps the romance is gone, but you still get along as friends.  Your life goals may be incompatible; you might want children, while your partner prefers to remain child-free. Whatever your reasons for breaking up, you must understand why you are choosing to end the relationship, communicate honestly and respectfully, and establish boundaries for future interactions.

Here Are Some Tips:

It may be helpful to journal your thoughts about why the relationship is not making you happy. This will help you to decide whether you wish to end the relationship or if the problems in the relationship can be solved on your own or with the help of a therapist.

Tell your partner that although you still care for him, the relationship is no longer fulfilling your needs. Use “I” statements rather than “you” statements. For example, “I’m no longer happy” rather than “you don’t make me happy.”

Listen to your partner’s concerns and feelings without interrupting or contradicting her.  Even if the decision is not mutual, your partner still deserves kindness and respect.

Establish boundaries for the coming days, weeks and months. After a serious relationship ends, you may need to avoid communication for a while in order for feelings of anger or sadness to subside.



Elana Clark-Faler
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