26 Jun How to Create Intimacy and Still Feel Like a Man

This blog post was written by Recovery Help Now’s, Vanessa Blaxland, MFTi.

Ok men, here’s the deal.  Women crave intimacy.  They desire to have intimate and deep relationships with others.  Intimacy allows women to feel validated and understood.  In the same way it allows them to feel that they understand you as well.

There’s one little problem though.   Men’s intimacy and women’s intimacy are usually different.  For women intimacy mean emotional intimacy.   For women, it is important to have connection through the sharing of feelings, being mutually understood and supported, and feeling that she can trust the relationship.  For men, intimacy means physical intimacy.  Men feel just as connected as their female partner but they express it through physical intimacy.  This is how they feel close and connected to their partner.

Now a relationship needs both emotional and physical intimacy to be healthy and fulfilling.  What doesn’t work is when there is more of one form of intimacy over another.  What I know also doesn’t work is when guys misinterpret their partners need to talk for nagging.  Remember, women want to feel heard and have their feelings validated.  And while women also want physical intimacy just as you do, it doesn’t quite help when your partner is feeling that she is being pushed into the bedroom without warning.  A women needs to be warmed up a little.

So what does work?  Men, you don’t have to get all gushy and mushy to satisfy your women’s emotional needs.  Just take the time to talk to your partner.  Ask her about her day.  Listen to for key words to reflect back to her, such as how she is feeling and why.  This will help her to feel validated and that you really get her.  Also, do the little things like hold her hand, rub her arm, stroke her hair, or put an arm around her while you talk.  Non-sexual intimacy goes a long way, but keep it genuine.  You’ll be surprised that by doing this what you’re really doing is warming her up for the physical intimacy you want. Win win!