Detoxing From a Toxic Relationship

In order to begin the process of detoxing from an unhealthy relationship, I must begin by defining a toxic relationship. A toxic relationship causes you to suffer emotionally, psychologically, spiritually or physically, and works against your health. You give up activities and self-care in order to make the relationship a priority over the care and nurturing of the self. Balance with care for yourself and your relationship is crucial for a healthy relationship. Toxic relationships have a lack of balance and tend to consume an individual. You typically obsess or stay preoccupied with the thoughts of this individual. What is he doing? Is she thinking of me? You may find yourself participating in activities you normally don’t do or wish to do (such as, stalking).

According to Elite Daily, there are 13 signs to a Toxic Relationship:

Passive Aggression is a main communication skill
Jealousy and “the blame game” is used regularly
Criticism and contempt are present
Arguing without communicating
Constant tension and negative energy fills the relationship
The couple avoids each other
You don’t feel like yourself (not acting from your value system)
Feeling like there’s no point, or a feeling of helplessness/hopelessness
You only think about making him/her happy before yourself
You can’t seem to do anything right
Growth and change are seen as negatives or feels threatening
Reminiscing on the beginning instead of looking toward the future
You’re just not happy anymore; you’ve lost your luster

A healthy relationship should enhance your life. You should feel connected, open, and excited for life. You encourage each other’s growth and share in life experiences. Both individuals enjoy setting goals for themselves and for their coupleship. There is trust and transparency. There is no need to control your partner. The couple has a spiritual practice of some kind that causes both individuals to feel hopeful and encouraged by each other. A healthy relationship works through hard times and these experiences grow their relationship, versus tearing it a part. Keep in mind, relationships should develop over time.

To detox a relationship, means getting help and doing it differently. You can’t keep doing the same thing, expecting a different outcome. My recommendation for detoxing…don’t let too much time fatigue or wear the relationship. Get help! Don’t let the relationship stay in a toxic place. Seek counseling and assess if both of you can learn the skills to have a healthy and loving relationship.

Tips to Detox the Relationship:

Don’t do this alone; get a third party to assist you
Create new agreements for the relationship
Develop fair fighting guidelines and follow them
Don’t lie, omit or keep secrets
Begin affirming your partner, versus criticizing him/her
Increase your own self-care and make a commitment to it
Plan fun activities for dates and trips (set events to look forward to)
Learn how to tolerate spending time with each other without electronics or items that distract you from your partner; attune to your partner
Develop effective communication skills (listening and talking skills)
See your partner as your advocate and ally, versus your enemy
Be kind and affirm each other
Don’t raise your voice or threaten each other in any way (your partner shouldn’t be afraid of you)
Increase trust (it takes time)
Own your mistakes quickly and don’t blame
Learn not to forecast out to the future; take your relationship one day at a time (there are no promises)
Every relationship needs time, talk and touch (all loving and safe)
Let go of being “right”; negotiate or agree to disagree
Have your own activities and interests, and share activities and events with each other
Protect your coupleship and make your partner a priority (but not over your own care).

Elana Clark-Faler
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