30 May After The Affair: Full Disclosure

This blog post was written by Recovery Help Now’s Cindy Nigro, MFTi.

If you’ve been struggling or have struggled with infidelity in your relationship then you know that it can be one of the most emotionally challenging times in one’s life.

Often times it’s not the sex, but the deception that creates the most damage. The most difficult challenge after an affair is to heal the trauma of broken trust.

Assuming you want to save your marriage or relationship, a full account of what happened is the best way to begin restoring lost trust. The betrayed partner has a right to know specifics: How did it start? What happened? Where did it happen? Who knows about it?   This may be extremely tough, but the close examination de-energizes the secret infidelity and helps re-establish intimacy.

Recovering from infidelity is not easy. One-third of marriages do not survive infidelity. Because the work of full disclosure can be painful, it is best done in the safe confines of a therapist’s office with a therapist specially trained to deal with such situations. Therapy usually consists of a combination of sessions with both partners present, plus individual sessions for each person. The goal is to rebuild trust and intimacy between the partners, to de-romanticize the infidelity, and to work through the trauma experienced by the betrayed partner.

With commitment, motivation, honest self-reflection, and professional guidance, the bond can be restored, and the relationship may emerge even stronger than before the affair.