10 Steps to Recover From a Break-Up

Take a deep breath.  Your relationship has ended and it can feel overwhelming.  This is a person you have spent time, energy, love, and thought on for the past____months or years.  You are bound to have some feelings of grief.  If you’re over it, than you probably don’t have any reason to read further.

Kubler-Ross created a Grief and Loss Model.  Her work focused on the stages of grief that one goes through when faced with a loss of any source.  She believed people react similarly to death, loss, divorce, or loss of an addiction.  Some more severely than others.  Also, having a loss can bring up old losses, because it can activate old memories that may have been traumatic or intense.  She listed the following stages, which don’t need to go in chronological order.  They are:  Denial, Anger, Bargaining, Depression and Acceptance.

What this tells you is, grief is normal.  It’s important to stay away from impulsive actions.  This time of grief should focus on self-care and reflection.  Allowing yourself to tolerate feelings of pain, and share with friends or a therapist.

Here are my 10 steps of recovery from a break-up:

1. Don’t reengage with your ex.  Sit with your feelings and share them with others who are safe and supporting.

2. Use meditation and self-soothing skills to work through your pain, and let go of sticky thoughts.

3. Take a break from dating for 3 – 6 months.  Learn to be with yourself and identify negative patterns of behavior to be avoided in the next relationship.

4. Use daily affirmations, and journaling to grieve.

5. Join a process group to grieve appropriately…don’t be alone with your feelings.

6. Identify and write reasons you needed to break-up or why it didn’t work out…remind yourself…so you don’t idealize your ex or the times you had.

7. Rengage or create a community of support.

8. Get involved with activities you enjoy or bring them back into your life, if dormant.

9. Work out and eat healthy daily.

10. Plan a retreat to get away from everything and reflect (good for the Soul).

We’d love to hear from you.  Do you have some tips that supported you through a break-up?  Comment on our blog and tell us how you got over a break-up.


Elana Clark-Faler
1 Comment
  • family counseling
    Posted at 19:50h, 30 October Reply

    One of the most important things that every person should undergo is moving on. I do believe that we were not created to be stagnant and dwell with the past. Reflect and learn things from your experiences so that you will be able to improve your future. Moving on from a past relationship is difficult but it will do no good to keep holding on to it. These tips you have shared are really very useful. Thank you.

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