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3 Things Women Want on a 1st Date

This blog post was written by Recovery Help Now’s, Vanessa Blaxland, MFTi.

First dates, what can I say, probably one of the most awkward rituals of our society.  Two people meeting who barely know each other, or maybe have never met all, feeling like they have this one chance to show off their best selves, worried about what to say or not say, hoping their date isn’t disappointed with them but also strategizing how to get the heck out and cut it short if they end up being a weirdo!  These are all things that bounce through women’s minds (and I’m sure men’s) when anticipating a first date.   Now men, I know sometimes women can be hard to read and it can be confusing trying to figure out what a woman wants or expects from you on a first date.  That’s why I’m here to tell you a few things I’ve discovered women want and don’t want on a first date.

1. Ask about her: The last thing a woman wants is a guy who only talks about himself, name drops the whole time, or basically lays outs his resume of accomplishments.  Be interested in her and what she’s about.  Ask her questions.  Appearing genuinely interested in getting to know her goes a long way.

2. Be Confident:  Research (Brumbaugh & Fraley, 2010) shows that women like men who are confident and secure.  Taking charge of a date shows that you trust yourself and are self-assured.  Now this doesn’t mean be controlling or inflexible, but women like men who guide the date.  So instead of saying “What ever you want to do, its up to you”, take charge!

3. Be considerate:  Chivalry isn’t dead! According to O’reilly, Knox, and Zusman (2009) women are attracted to men who are considerate.  When a man is considerate it shows a woman that you are thinking about her and that you are someone who might be able to care for her.  So take a lesson from the old days and keep opening those doors and giving your jacket when she’s cold.

Here’s to getting that second date!

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